Tips for Communicating With an Ex-Spouse

1. Keep the topic of conversation on the business items or the children.
2. Don’t respond to unreasonable demands
3. Use ‘I” statements.
4. If you want to talk to your ex-spouse, find a neutral party to exchange information.
5. If using verbal communication is impossible, try a written form.
6. Do not send messages through the children. Continue reading →

Grandparents in Stepfamilies

As the stepparent, there are some things that you can do that will calm things down.

1. Arrange times that grandparents and grandchildren can do things together as they did before the remarriage. Continue reading →

Does Instant Love Occur in Stepfamilies?

I often hear people in my office say that, “I have tried to love my stepchildren for my partner’s sake but they drive me crazy!

If this is true for you, it is perfectly normal. After all, your stepchildren are from a different family with different habits and rituals. They have a different history and some different values. Continue reading →

Tips for Stepfathers

1. Develop relationships before attempting discipline.
2. Help your partner establish rules but don’t YOU be the enforcer too soon.
3. Let your partner tell you when you can begin to enforce.
4. Take the side of the stepchildren where you can.
5. Negotiate chore issues.
6. Discuss with your partner if you feel undermined. Continue reading →

Tips for Stepmothers

1. Remember, this marriage is between you and your partner. Don’t try to change things after the wedding where the children are concerned.
2. Go by the rules (or non-rules) that the children’s father has established and continue the rules that you have established for your children if you have them.
3. The watchword here is “slowly”. Continue reading →

Discipline in Stepfamilies

Blending adults and children from different backgrounds often brings up problems with discipline due to the idea that people have different lifestyles and different philosophies of childrearing.

Children often resent direction from a stepparent, particularly if they have enjoyed greater freedom when their biological parent was single. Continue reading →

It’s Hard to Be Liked As a Step Parent

Don’t take it personally if your stepchildren don’t like you. This is, in fact, usually the case. In the beginning kids tend to be pleased or tolerate their parent’s interest in a new adult. Continue reading →

Sexuality in Stepfamilies

Sexuality in stepfamilies is different than in biological families because people of different sexes who are not related are living together. It is also different because the family begins with children when the sexual climate is higher. By the time children are born into biological families, the sexual climate has cooled down, generally, because partners have been living together longer. Continue reading →

What About Remarriage?

Remarriage may seem unlikely shortly after you divorce. Actually, 75% of women and 80% of men do remarry–usually within 5 years.

Of these, 80 % divorce again. Why?

I certainly don’t want to discourage remarriage. In fact, remarriage and the stepfamily, is the gift that the stepfamily gives the kids. Continue reading →