Women ask me all the time,”why does my husband get so defensive when I get mad at him?”
To begin with, I don’t find anger to be a very useful emotion to be used with anyone. Possibly at times with strangers to get their attention but anger is scary for people and when you sound angry the real message gets lost.
Recently a woman contacted me about her husband’s infidelity. They had been doing prior work with a female therapist who encouraged her anger. She told the husband that his wife was understandably angry and he must be patient as she spewed it out.
Frankly, I found this to be very bad advice. Apparently, the couple did as well and fortunately left this experience. I have found over the years that people usually know when an experience is working badly and they leave it. Continue reading
People call me all the time asking me, “where are you located” or even first, “how much do you charge?”
Both questions are important. However, the MOST important question often isn’t asked which is “how can you help me”?
The first two questions imply that all therapy is the same and all therapists are the same. This could not be further from the truth.
There are many people in all kinds of professions who use buzz words to describe what they do while, in fact, not doing that manner of work at all.
People call me all the time to ask me: “My husband/wife has been unfaithful. How can I stay in the relationship after such a betrayal? I can never trust my partner again.”
There is definitely a life after infidelity. According to Dr. Frank Pittman (with whom I worked closely for twenty eight years), “Men cheat when they don’t feel man enough.” He goes on to say in both Private Lies and Man Enough, that a man’s infidelity is between himself and his father.” How so, one might say. It is the fault of the marriage.