It is often the case that grandparents are afraid for their children to remarry. They want their happiness but fear the loss of their grandchildren through remarriage.
By: Susan Adams, M. Ed.
Grandparents In Stepfamilies
As the stepparent, there are some things that you can do that will calm things down.
- Arrange times that grandparents and grandchildren can do things together as they did before the remarriage.
- Arrange times for step grandparents and step grandchildren to get to know one another. Start out with short visits and a small treat.
- Arrange times for all the children or a "mix" of step-siblings to be with grandparents/step grandparents once everyone has begun to get acquainted.
- Include your parents in some of your new family's special events.
- At times, include your spouse and our parents in adult activities that everyone might enjoy.
- When it is possible, make opportunities for the two sets of "in-laws" to get together.
- If there are things to be inherited which you believe that your parents want to go to particular family member, talk to your parents about that and make the necessary legal arrangements.
- Don't push your parents to make financial decisions about inheritance issues regarding your new family. These matters take time to work out as relationships develop. Grandparents often feel strongly about "blood" relationships--particularly with heirlooms in the family.
- Be aware that the children's grandparents, just like everyone else, need time to adjust to the new personalities in the household. If a disconnect occurs between grandparent and their own child, be sure to leave the door open so that wounds can heal.
- As with other matters, share grandparent concerns with your spouse so that you can be a team and support each other.