The objective of this article is to help couples achieve a satisfying sexual relationship.
By: Susan Adams, M. Ed
Summary: A mutually satisfying sexual relationship can be a lifetime of joy for a couple. However, it doesn’t happen magically–any more than verbal communication does. This article presents a discussion of how to develop good sexual communication, beginning in the courtship.
Good sexual communication grows and develops with time. The couple need to be realistic in their expectations, patient, and willing to work at it. Beginning sexual communication before marriage helps immensely in achieving this goal.
To begin, you and your partner need to share with each other your views on sex, its relationship to love, how important you think it will be in your marriage, and what you expect of each other as sexual partners. You need to share your anxieties and concerns with each other rather than worrying about them alone.
Verbal communication about sex helps couples to better understand their expectations, needs, and desires—creating stronger bonds between them and easing the transition into the physical aspects of sex.
Some of the things that you and your partner need to discuss are your expectations about sexual behavior in marriage, your views on family planning and contraception, and whether there are some aspects of sexual behavior you consider to be abnormal. You should also discuss how much freedom one is allowed in a conjugal relationship, inhibitions, and any problems you anticipate based on what you know about yourselves and your backgrounds.
Early in the courtship, couples should also discuss their attitudes toward premarital sexual relations. It is wise for couples to fully air their views on premarital sex and to be agreed on the kind of relationship they both want.
Reading together may help you learn to communicate sexually. A book on sexual adjustment in marriage that is recommended by a professional such as a doctor or a counselor would be a good idea. It is also a good idea for the two of you to talk with a doctor, especially about birth control, hygiene, and the physical aspects of intercourse. Visiting a family planning clinic is also a possibility.