In fact, very few of my clients wind up divorcing. Divorce hurts not only the partners but everyone connected to them, especially the children.
50% of children show symptoms at the time of the divorce. The other 50% go on and don’t become symptomatic until dating age when, what they tend to exhibit, is a fear of connecting to a significant other. The best that children learn from divorce is that no one loves another enough to stay.
What is important is that people learn the skills to stay together-not to live in misery, but to live lives that contain joy and commitment that make good models for children to follow. This is what I am teaching.
Sometimes people arrive in therapy too late to save the marriage. In that case, the goal is to help the parents to co-parent in ways that benefit the children, if there are any. This can be a challenge well considered before the divorce. People who aren’t good enough friends to stay married, have a hard time being good enough friends to be divorced with children. There exists more power in the marriage than out of it and once the dust settles and the initial amputation of pain occurs, there is often regret. Women tend to move on better than men. The children lose the most and the attorneys are the winners. I am always willing to help–to try to help parents balance households and share in parenting.