The objective of this article is to help dating couples who are thinking of marriage to identify some common danger signs in the relationship and to provide some guidance for treatment.
By: Susan Adams, M. Ed.
Summary: Premarital counseling is a good emotional checkup and a wise investment as it increases the odds for a successful marriage. The idea is prevention both in identifying problem areas and helping couples to have more realistic ideas about what to expect from the marriage experience. This article presents a discussion of these issues.
There are two times when a couple should seek premarital counseling. One is going into the marriage as a check-up and the other is when the following signs of trouble emerge: frequent break-ups; continuous quarrels in which differences cannot seem to be resolved; much pouting, silence, and general uncommunicativeness; inability to attain a fair degree of one another’s personality or behavior;constant irritability and impatience with one another; the involvement of family or others as mediators in disputes; and when there is a premarital pregnancy.
In addition, anyone deeply troubled over something he or she does not feel comfortable discussing with the other partner should seek outside consultation. finally, if either has had serious personality or adjustment difficulties in the past, it would be advisable to talk to a qualified professional. this is very important because marriage and parenthood frequently revive earlier internal conflicts that can hinder the adjustment to a mate and to rearing children.
If you want to talk to a professional counselor, be sure to find someone who is experienced and well qualified–preferably specializing in premarital counseling. Your doctor or clergyman may be able to help you find a good resource. You can contact The American Association for Marital and Family Therapy or Marriage Friendly Therapists on line for names of professional in your area.
In dating and courtship, you usually see one another at your best and may not really get to know each other. This often results in a decision to marry based on incomplete information or in disillusionment after marriage. This article has suggested how you can avoid this by talking over matters that really count to both find problem areas and to decide how ready you are for marriage.