Limit Setting With Children

 

It can be hard at times to set good and consistent limits with your children.  Sometimes guilt about various issues surrounding your life and that of your children interferes.

 

Those issues range from illness, deaths in the family, divorce, remarriage, and births of siblings.  For single parents, limits can be even harder to maintain because there is no other parent to form a team. The single parent is out there alone with the kids and the emotional support often comes from the kids.  Therefore, it is difficult to have the children angry over something that the single parent has done.  Kids know this!

 

                       Means of Communication

 

It is critical, even more so during stressful times, for parenting to be both calm and consistent.  Children who are running the family really feel insecure because they know that there is no adult in charge and their own lack of limits scares them.

 

Communicating openly, firmly, and honestly is crucial to the consistent atmosphere  required to raise healthy children. Reasonable limits and open communications will encourage a trusting, caring environment.

 

The parent should indicate appreciation to the child whenever possible to promote feelings of self-worth.

 

For example:  "I understand the chores must frustrate you."

 

                      "It really pleases me to see you do your share."

 

It is important to identify with what the child feels before moving on to what needs to be done.  "I appreciate that the chores frustrate you.  I wish that no one had to do chores--even me.  However, it is part of living in a community that we all pitch in and do our share.  The sooner we get done, the sooner we can go to do something fun." 

 

There is a value embedded in the communication--or several.  l) We must all share responsibility.  2)  We must do what needs to be done before we can do what we want to do.

 

Open communication and the freedom to express and share feelings sets the tone for building and enhancing the self-worth of both parents and children.

 

Did You Know? Behind every reasonable request of children there is a value and it is important to explain that value to the children so that they understand what we are trying to accomplish when we ask them to do something.