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Discipline in Stepfamilies
Discipline is a problem in most
stepfamilies.
Blending adults and children from
different backgrounds often brings up problems with
discipline due to the idea that people have
different lifestyles and different philosophies of
childrearing.
Children often resent direction
from a stepparent, particularly if they have enjoyed
greater freedom when their biological parent was
single. Sometimes children who live between homes
are not around long enough to receive discipline.
Therefore, it is important that
parents provide a structure for the children which
is consistent and firm and also fair and that the
structure apply to ALL the children whether they
live with or visit the family.
Parents need to spend time
talking with each other without the kids in order to
iron out their differences about parenting so that
they can be a team with the children. It is
important that parents not interfere with each other
where the children are concerned.
It is also very important that
the biological parent support the authority of the
stepparent
when it is so delegated--and it
must be delegated in the first couple of years of
the new marriage. The child may resent the
authority of the stepparent and must know that that
authority comes from the biological parent.
Children and stepchildren should
follow the same rules and have the same privileges.
Scheduling regular family
meetings--usually weekly--is a good way to let
children, both visiting and those who live in the
home, feel that they are participating in family
decisions.
The meetings are a time for
parents, biological and step, to pass on requests,
ideas, and information as the leaders and executive
function of the family. It is a time for children
to give their input and vote on issues that they can
have a role in deciding.
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